I’ve always been a self-reflective person.
I journal. I check in with myself. I notice my emotions and patterns.
But somewhere in the middle of years of overworking and over-delivering, a simple internal question stopped me:
“Nicki… what do you want?”
I Didn’t Know I Was Disconnected Until I Tried to Answer That Simple Question
I wasn’t prepared for what happened next.
I couldn’t answer.
Not right away.
Not with honesty.
Not without defaulting to the convenient, polished responses that sounded good – but weren’t the whole truth.
And here’s the thing:
It wasn’t because I lacked confidence, ambition, or vision.
It wasn’t because I didn’t have options or opportunities.
It was because I had spent so many years being what everyone else needed me to be:
- The dependable one.
- The strong one.
- The fixer.
- The leader.
- The nurturer.
- The woman who could hold it all.
I had mastered meeting expectations…
but forgotten how to prioritize my own.
My desires had become whispers – the kind you hear only when everything else in your life grows quiet.
And my life was never quiet.
The Moment I Realized I Was Disconnected
That moment taught me a profound truth:
You don’t lose your identity in one dramatic moment.
You lose it slowly, over time – in all the small moments when you stop choosing yourself.
When you bite your tongue instead of speaking your truth.
When you say yes even though your soul is begging for no.
When you shrink your needs to make someone else comfortable.
When you excel at work but abandon your inner world.
Identity doesn’t disappear – it just gets buried beneath layers of responsibility, resilience, and survival.
And here’s the hope:
You reclaim it the same way you lost it —
one honest moment at a time.
If You’re Feeling Disconnected, It’s Not a Personal Failure
Maybe you’ve been feeling a quiet sense of misalignment.
Maybe the whisper has become a nudge…
or the nudge has turned into a full-volume yell.
Let me tell you something with love:
There is nothing wrong with you.
What’s “wrong” is that you don’t have the space or support to hear your own voice anymore.
Most high-performing Women of Color don’t struggle because they’re incapable –
they struggle because they’ve been carrying too much, for too long, without a place to lay any of it down.
This Is Why I Created the Power Hour: S.O.F.T. Leadership™ Strategy Session
I created this session because I know what it feels like to look successful on the outside while feeling foggy, disconnected, or exhausted on the inside.
I know what it’s like to lead, serve, and support everyone else – while slowly drifting away from yourself.
The Power Hour: S.O.F.T. Leadership™ Strategy Session is designed to help you reconnect with the YOU beneath the titles, expectations, and responsibilities.
It’s your safe space to:
- Pause
- Ponder
- Breathe
- Tell the truth
- Hear yourself again
- And make one aligned, self-honoring shift
It’s not about adding another task to your plate.
It’s about creating space for your identity, your clarity, your inner voice – the one that’s been drowned out but not destroyed.
This strategy is where your reclamation begins.
One soft, honest moment at a time.
Nicki Sanders, MSW, is committed to leadership development, professional development, and organizational development. As Founder and CEO of Nicki Sanders Leadership Consulting, her mission is simple – to eliminate toxic workplaces by developing skilled, empathetic, and goal-oriented leaders who have the vision, support, and resources to create a culture where business prospers, and employees thrive individually and collectively. Nicki has an extensive background in nonprofit management leading high-functioning, multi-disciplinary teams, volunteer recruitment and retention, and social impact programming. She is a thought leader dedicated to dismantling the outdated, narrow view of social work and an accomplished professor, coach, trainer, and group facilitator who has combined her gift for authentic relationships, Master of Social Work degree, and over 20 years of diverse work experience to create a life and career aligned with her values and purpose. She is a lover of nature, cupcakes, travel, and 80’s hip hop and R&B music.
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