I became a mother in my sophomore year in college. How could I protect and nurture this little life? I think it’s safe to say that we have grown up together. The more I learned about myself the more I was able to help my daughter embrace her individuality. As my passion and purpose became clearer, I was better able to support my daughter in discovering her life purpose. My goal is to practice what I preach and I have spent the last twenty years “retooling” and learning how to be a better woman and mother.
While my babygirl was in utero, I began to talk, read, and praise. Telling her how much I love her, how smart she is, and that she is special. As she grew, I began to see her limitless potential and I literally told my daughter that she can change the world! Let me be clear…I am not a perfect mother – in fact, no perfect mother exists. We all make mistakes and when we know better we do better. There are things I’ve done well and things I wish I could take back. There was a period when I parented in fear. Fear that my daughter would not grow into her greatness – healthy (mentally, physically, and emotionally), college-educated, appreciated, respected, self-sufficient. That fear manifested in pushing and nagging. My love never wavered but I’m sure I didn’t listen very well when I was afraid either. Has fear ever affected your parenting? Stop, breathe, and think.
“There are two lasting bequests we can give our children. One is roots the other is wings.” -Hodding Carter
Related Blog: What Am I Afraid to Tell You
There is no perfect way to parent because every parent is different and every child is different. What works for one child may have the opposite effect on another. What worked well when your child was nine may have negative results on your fifteen year-old. I think we can agree that most parents want what’s best for their children. How we bring out the best in them is the million dollar question. I have studied human development in pursuit of my degrees, read parenting books, enrolled in parenting classes, talked to parents I admire, and talked with kids and teens about what they need from parents. I have also had many conversations with my daughter and found flexibility to be the most essential element in successful parenting. When we know better we do better right? I learned to let go of my fears (they belonged solely to me) and take my cues from my daughter. I nurtured her talents and interests, helped her take ownership of her education, and connected her with mentors and resources. I not only taught her to dream big, I helped her recognize the steps needed to make her dreams a reality. I still challenge and question, praise and encourage in an effort to create an environment where she can fail safely. Yes, you guessed it; my daughter has been “Packaged For Success”.
Related Blog: Show And Tell Parenting
I am still on my parenting journey as I learn to parent a young adult. I invite you to accompany me as I learn new things and make a few more loving mistakes. You and I can change the world!
“Good parents give their children roots and wings. Roots to know where home is, wings to fly away and exercise what’s been taught them.” -Jonas Salk
Nicki Sanders, MSW, Chief Visionary Officer
The Teen Toolbox utilizes youth portfolio development and civic engagement and academic empowerment strategies to help teens set goals for life after high school and create a road map to reach those goals through its PACKAGED FOR SUCCESS™ Programs. We are committed to supporting and raising awareness about the needs and potential of teenagers in the foster care system.
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