What I know for sure is that by the time many women become managers, directors, or executives, they’ve already been leading for years.
Not because anyone gave them the title.
Because everyone gave them the responsibility.
They were the dependable one.
The helper.
The peacekeeper.
The problem solver.
Sound familiar?
Somewhere along the way, we started calling those personality traits.
I don’t.
I call it leadership conditioning.
It’s what happens when we’re taught – often without anyone saying the words out loud -that being a good leader means carrying more, complaining less, and making sure everyone else is okay before we tend to ourselves.
The worst part?
That behavior gets rewarded.
People trust you.
Depend on you.
Promote you.
And eventually…
it becomes an expectation.
For years, I was talking about burnout.
But burnout was never where the story started.
It started long before the job title.
It started with the expectations.
Even as a teen, you were likely a doing all the things and getting all the things done – the designated babysitter, a group leader at schools, a speaker at church, the friend who organized the activities.
That’s why calling out leadership conditioning isn’t optional.
Because we can’t change what we’ve never learned to recognize.
So let me ask you…
How did you learn to be the strongest person in the room and carry everyone else?
Nicki Sanders, MSW is the Founder and CEO of Nicki Sanders Leadership Consulting and the creator of the S.O.F.T. Leadership™ framework – a liberation-centered approach to people-first, aligned leadership. With over 20 years of professional experience including nonprofit leadership, organizational development, and higher education, she works passionately with high-performing Women of Color leaders and values-driven organizations to build cultures rooted in wholeness, purpose, and lasting impact. Nicki is a nationally recognized thought leader, professor, coach, and facilitator proving that sustainable success does not require self-sacrifice.
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