I wasn’t handed a leadership rule book.
No one said…
Always volunteer.
Don’t be the angry Black woman.
Never let them see you struggle.
And yet…
Somehow, I knew those rules.
What I did hear was…
Work twice as hard.
Always be grateful.
Be prepared.
Maybe you did too.
Some rules were spoken.
Some rules were modeled.
Some rules were rewarded.
Some rules were simply understood.
Over time, those messages become the way we lead.
We become dependable.
Reliable.
Productive.
Helpful.
The person everyone can count on.
Until one day we’re exhausted and wondering why leadership feels so heavy.
What if burnout isn’t where the story starts?
What if it started with the invisible rules we never questioned?
I’m not interested in blaming parents, managers, mentors, or organizations.
I’m interested in you becoming more aware.
Ask yourself…
Who taught us these rules?
Which ones still serve us?
Which ones are keeping us in survival mode?
Because not every lesson deserves a lifetime commitment.
What leadership message did you learn that no longer serves you today?
Nicki Sanders, MSW is the Founder and CEO of Nicki Sanders Leadership Consulting and the creator of the S.O.F.T. Leadership™ framework – a liberation-centered approach to people-first, aligned leadership. With over 20 years of professional experience including nonprofit leadership, organizational development, and higher education, she works passionately with high-performing Women of Color leaders and values-driven organizations to build cultures rooted in wholeness, purpose, and lasting impact. Nicki is a nationally recognized thought leader, professor, coach, and facilitator proving that sustainable success does not require self-sacrifice.
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